Warning received, but ignored.
During a meditation in 2006, I received some very unsettling words. Words like, disease, two years, get healthy now. I asked if I’d be around to see my daughter get married, and received back a “No”, which I promptly ignored. I blew off these words as mind clutter and my own fears. Can’t happen to me. I been through enough already. Little did I know, these words would come back and bite me right in the ass.
I knew at the end of Summer ’07 “something wasn’t right”. I could just FEEL it. I had a conversation with my mother, and near the end of it, I was in tears (and I don’t cry easily). I refused to let the conversation come to a close with out her telling me that should something ever happen to me, she would take care of my family, putting my young daughter first. Which she reluctantly made. Reluctantly, because no mother wants her child to be sick.
I made an appointment with my doctor for a routine exam & informed her of my newer ‘problems’. I needed further examination. I waited till the first of the new year for the surgery because I knew this would be BIG and we were getting much better insurance coverage the 1st of the year. Couple days before my “basement surgery” to remove a large polyp in January ’08, I had my mammogram at the same time as my blood tests for surgery. Which was an amazing celestial orchestration in itself. I didn’t have an appointment, and they were currently out about 4 weeks or better, but the powers that be got me in for that mammogram that very day I was there. “Something” prompted all the people involved to squeeze me in when normally they wouldn’t do that. They even told me they don’t usually do that; But something encouraged them to do so.
The next day while healing from my surgery, I received a certified letter from the hospital that my mammogram had issues. (I’m not surprised. That was really the reason I wanted that appointment in the first place.) So back I went for a Needle Core Biopsy of the micro calcifications. One of the worst procedures I’ve ever had (and I’ve had my share of needle pokes and surgeries). I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy (Actually, I hope I don’t have any of those). They just kept telling me, “I know it’s uncomfortable, just hang in there”. Uncomfortable my ass. Later, I’d find out WHY it was so horrible….. For one, it felt like they were sucking all the veins out of my arm, back and chest through their quite large needle. I’m not sure what 10 gauge is, but it sure looked awful big to be sticking in someone that was awake. Later I discovered, it sent me through the roof because, they had traveled with the needle and suction way beyond the area they numbed. This was cold turkey surgery. I didn’t get any whisky or leather to bite on! (I know this because I later had another procedure done elsewhere and didn’t feel much. Because they kept NUMBING THE TISSUE deeper and deeper as far as they needed to get.) So if you or anyone you know needs to have a core biopsy, tell them, it’s YOUR BODY! TELL THEM TO STOP and NUMB IT DEEPER if you are feeling it!
In any event, a few days later, my doctor called me and said “you have nothing to worry about. It’s only PRE cancer. NOT cancer. Make an appointment in a week or two.” She stressed the words PRE and NOT. The following week I go in and she tells me, make an appointment with a surgeon and she’ll remove the rest of that spot that the biopsy didn’t get. Hmmmm – I request a copy of my pathology report and take it home. I start researching the terminology on it. Especially the second page, of which the secretary never gave to the doctor … and found out… this isn’t PRE cancer. This IS CANCER. And the worst of this kind as far as grade and aggressiveness. After one mess up after another from the secretary / hospital etc… I decided to not mess around and go to the best hospital I could…
…Where, they moved at quite the pace to figure out exactly what is going on. Yes, it is breast cancer. Ductal Carcinoma In Situ = DCIS. High Grade Carcinoma / Comedo type. what else? It’s all over the lymph nodes too. Had my surgery to remove the DCIS and she took out the lymph nodes under my arm. They don’t look good.
…..
Which brings us to today. I’m still sitting here with a drainage tube. I’m not sure if the pain is getting any less, or if I’m getting used to it.
Oh, and I failed to mention, my husband’s place of business is shutting down. He’s out of a job and we’ll be out of insurance quite soon. The office seems to still all be in tact…. Funny, along comes the good insurance after all these years of crappy insurance… and now we only get 4 months to use it. That seems a bit premeditated. Or is it just me? Yes, COBRA is a great policy, but when you struggle as it is, can barely pay your mortgage (when you are half done paying the loan off) $1,300 a month for family insurance coverage, isn’t even a possibility.
Through all of this, the hospital I’m traveling to has been absolutely fantastic. They are moving fast as possible to get me where I need to be, before the shit hits the fan in our wallets.
And I keep thinking, had I not gone to this other hospital… the one near my home would have taken out the rest of the first tumor. Never seeing everything else going on in my body. I could have passed on by this summer.
Considering my first doctor said “ONLY pre-cancer” and nothing to worry about in the first doctor’s eyes, Perhaps I should look into my “over active cells” comment my initial doctor made about my basement surgery pathology report in January. . Wonder how many pages were missing from that report…..
Research Hospitals and always, ALWAYS, get a second opinion!!!
The original words from my meditation came flooding back. I franticly searched for my notes. I found them. I did in fact receive a warning. Disease (cancer) two years (2006 warning, diagnosed in 2008), get healthy now…. Is still open to interpretation. Perhaps this means if I do all that I can, I will still hang around here a while yet. Sometimes you must rely on God. Sometimes you have to exercise the free will he gave us. I’m going to do both. And what about the unseen celestial forces that orchestrated an appointment for me out of seemingly thin air? If I had not gotten that appointment, what would have happened? Perhaps that goes back to “get healthy now”. Had I had to wait, how long would I have put it off? It most certainly would have been an even worse scenario.
Tags: Breast Cancer Journey, spiritual medium